Christopher Street

90

So, I went on a diet.

Back in March of 06, I went on a "healthy eating" plan. I exercised. I drank water. I lost 13 pounds.

Then, I suffered an exacerbation of my MS. I stopped exercising. I gained 25 pounds.

And so, here we are again.

I was thinking yesterday about the diets I have been on in my life. There really aren't that many. I know fat girls (and, hell, thin girls) who have been on diet after diet after diet...most to no avail.

Me, I rarely bothered. I didn't mind being overweight. I am funny and smart and kind and charming and adorable. It doesn't matter that I am also fat. That was my mantra.

There was a diet at 17. I lost 40 pounds on that one. I didn't want to go to college fat.
I lost 40 pounds again in 1990. I didn't want to go to grad school fat.
I lost 35 pounds in 1998--I didn't want to go to Disney World fat.
Then there were the 13 pounds I lost last year. That was the first time I ever really said "I don't want to live my life fat."

I failed on that diet. But I still don't think that I want to live my life fat. And, obviously, I haven't been ready to do anything about it till now.

Hell, I may still not be ready to do anything about it. I may fail this time, too. I don't think I will, but that's the conceit of every diet. Everytime we go on one, we assume we will succeed.

Most people don't. I haven't.

But, I am trying again. This is day 7. I have lost 4.2 pounds.

I'm trying to be brutal this time, too. I have always said that I wanted to get down to the weight I was when I got married--but I got married 15 pounds overweight. I looked OK, for me...no, I looked good. For me. But I want to look good by an objective measure. Not "good for me". So, I want to take off the 79 pounds I have gained during my marriage, and the 15 pounds I came in with. 94 pounds.

It's a hearty objective.

I may not make it.

But if I don't talk about it, I know I will fail. And, my friends and family are going to be tired very quickly of this topic. So, I will talk to the Universe.

And the six people who read this journal. Don't deny it--I see you out there, you six. :)