March 27, 2002

[TV] Academy Awards--the Spectacle!

First things first...I was four of six in my predictions of the "big six" awards Sunday night. I will admit that I perhaps picked Moulin Rouge because I wanted it so badly to win rather than because I truly thought it would win, but the Ian McKellan thing floored me. Floored me. If there was a lock going in, I would have thought that that was it. Overall, I was 11 of 24...not bad when you consider that I usually just guess at all the documentary categories.

I will go into more detail on who I picked and why and how I ended up 11/24 on the night tomorrow. Today, we are focusing on the spectacle alone. First: The Fashion!

Best Dressed: Of the women, there were quite a few lovelies. Julia Roberts was elegant and understated. Kate Winslet, Jada Pinkett and Marcia Gay Harding also looked fab. Kate should wear red more often--she looks great in it. Jada's outfit reminded me of the one worn by Calista Flockhart a few years ago at the Emmies...love the casual elegance of the white top with the long, gorgeous skirt. That color yellow is to die for! And I thought that Harding's dress was the lovliest of the evening. However, my personal best-dressed goes to Reese Witherspoon. The dress, the hair, the makeup--it just all worked for me. I thought that she was the fab-est of the fab.

In the "Oh-my-god-what-is-that?"category: Cameron Diaz, Gwyneth Paltrow, the guy with the fringy jacket and Thoth! First, I am on record as thinking that Cameron Diaz is funny-looking. But, what was up with that dress? The matted hair? The blue thing in the hair (which matched nothing on the dress as far as I could tell). Yech.

Where Gwynnie was concerned, I think that she was definitely going for a look, but what an ugly look it was. Wipe off about 60% of that makeup, woman, and hie thee to Victoria's Secret! Whilst there, get thee a bra! And please, do something with the severe hair. If you want to look like a junkie, well, it's working--although as John pointed out, Courtney Love does junkie better, so why bother?

I don't remember who the guy was that had the jacket o' fringe, but I hated it. And I really, really wanted Thoth! to PUT ON SOME PANTS. I was quite uncomfortable watching him on stage. His lack of pants was exacerbated by the fact that he appeared to be wearing garters, like the kind that gentlemen used to wear to hold up their socks. Memo to the academy--maybe you should adopt a "no pants, no award" rule.

Finally, Paul McCartney is worth, what--half a BILLION dollars? And he couldn't wear a tie? ? He couldn't buy his fiancee a whole dress? Or at least a half-dress that didn't make her look like a hooker?

Whoopi-- Wow. I like Whoopi Goldberg. I do. A lot. I usually think she's quite funny. But what dead weight was she on Sunday? If I hadn't read the credits, I would have thought that Bruce Vilanch (comedy writer that usually does the Oscars) wasn't around this year. But he was and Whoopi is usually funny so...gosh what happened? The topical stuff fell flat and the recurring routines about black people in--or not in-- the nominated flicks wasn't funny after the first time she did it. All in all, I wanted Steve Martin back!

As far as the show itself went, wow--4 hours and 23 minutes? That beat my 3:47 estimate by 36 minutes! But what did we get for that? Well, 2, count 'em 2, Honorary awards. Cirque de Soleil. A mini-documentary on New York. Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson. Oh, and that whole "what movies mean to me" thing at the beginning. Were I in charge, I would have cut the Cirque. As much as I love them, and I do (I saw Mystere live a couple of years ago--WOW), they didn't add to the ceremony. I would have also dropped Ben and Owen. It may amount to blasphemy in today's culture, but I don't think that Ben Stiller is funny. Shoot me. I might also have dropped the "what movies mean to me" thing in the beginning, and I don't think I would have used it excerpts from it as bumpers throughout the show, either. Yeah, it was funny and in another year I would green-light it but this year, in light of 9-11, needed the New York documentary more and, frankly, the show just couldn't support both of them. As for the two honorary awards--why? Why 2? I am not sure which was announced first and why the second one was decided on--do we think that Redford and/or Poitier might not be around next year? One honorary award, folks. I don't have the patience for two.

So, no Cirque, no Ben, no Owen, no Roberto Begnini. Either no Bob or no Sidney. Hmmm--I think that I just cut almost an hour. Imagine--with my guidance, the awards would have been over by...midnight!

Posted by Lori at March 27, 2002 4:24 PM