February 4, 2002

[General] First things first: I feel

First things first: I feel much better. I slept for most of the weekend, drank plenty of fluids and took my meds faithfully and was rewarded today by being well enough to return to work. In retrospect, I am not sure that I did the right thing. :)

But I did and so I am here, working the graveyard shift along with 2 other lucky souls. The phone has rung exactly 5 times in the 3.5 hours that I have been here--twice it was a user with a problem and three times it was our VP checking in. It looks like it will be quiet for the rest of the night--I'm here for 9 more hours--but I'm not sure if that's a blessing or a curse.

Let me explain what we are doing here. I briefly mentioned the other day that we were rolling out some new enterprise software. We have been working on this project since July of 2000 and have been preparing to go live since sometime in the fall of '01. For "go live week", we promised the business that we would provide live, in-person 24x7 support. We're doing this through COB Friday. I am the IT Training Manager. The trainers and I are functioning as supplemental helpdesk staff for the week. Since we trained the application, it stands to reason that we could be useful in a troubleshooting situation. I am working graveyard because someone has to and, as the manager, if someone had to I thought it should be me. One of my trainers is here with me; the rest of the staff is on days. So, I am sitting here in a frigid conference room tricked out as an inpromptu "war room" that I will call home for 48 hours this week. I have a small TV to my left, and a half-gallon of V8 to my right and a bag of cough drops behind the screen of my laptop. Did I mention that it's cold here? It's an "outside" conference room, with 3 walls of windows. It's 17 degrees out. You do the math.

So, besides all the work stuff, what's on my mind today? Well, I'm sad. I'm sad because I have found out that a casual acquaintence is a bit of a bigot, although he doesn't see it that way. He came out on a message board, by saying some pretty snarky things about gays and lesbians. As someone who believes that the fight for equal rights for all Americans, regardless of sexual orientation, is the most important civil rights issue we face today, finding out that someone whose company I have enjoyed for many months has such an abhorrent belief structure is a little jarring. How could I have not seen this? How could I have not known that he was so...misguided? I knew that he was a pretty staunch republican but he never seemed like a monster.

I guess I still believe that he's not a monster. Monsters tie people to trees and beat them with clubs and drag them behind pick-up trucks. He's not that guy. In a very palpable way, though, he's more dangerous than that guy. That guy is vilified by a society that, while quietly suspicious of the "gay lifestyle", is horrified when bright young men are brutally murdered because they are different. This guy, my acquaintance, seems more reasonable to society. He's not violent, he just wants them to leave him alone. He'll tell you that gays should be allowed to do what they want, as long as he doesn't have to see. That what you do in your bedroom is your business, as long as you keep yourself away from kids, from positions of authority or influence. He will tell you that there is no reason for civil rights legislation because, if there's no reason for anyone to know that you're gay, then there's no way you could be discriminated against because of it. And he says it in such a calm reasonable voice that others think that he seems rational. But he's not rational. We violate the civil rights of gays and lesbians every single day in this country. We extend legal rights and protections to straight Americans that are not available to gay Americans. This needs to change. But it won't as long as we continue to listen to the calm, soothing tones of my bigoted friend.

So I have changed my mind. He is a monster, a very real and scary one. Now, I just need to figure out what to do about it.

Posted by Lori at February 4, 2002 2:47 PM